"Empowerment begins when we celebrate each other’s victories." -Breauna F.
Forgiveness: A Pathway to Freedom and Authenticity
-Breauna F.
Forgiveness is often seen as a simple act, but for me, it has become a profound journey of healing and empowerment. I’ve come to realize that in a world filled with misunderstandings and conflicts, it’s all too easy to lose touch with our authentic selves. Holding onto anger and resentment can feel like carrying a heavy weight—one that suffocates our spirit and clouds our judgment.
There was a time when I thought that not forgiving would protect me, that it would somehow serve justice to those who had wronged me. But the truth hit me hard: by clinging to these grudges, I was only giving them power over my happiness. The individuals I refused to forgive didn’t suffer nearly as much as I did. I was the one allowing their actions to dictate my emotional state, keeping myself trapped in a cycle of pain.
3 October 2024
As I embarked on this journey of forgiveness, I began to understand that it wasn’t just about the other person; it was about freeing myself. Each step toward forgiveness was a release—a way to shed the burdens that held me back from fully living my life. It became clear that by letting go of these negative feelings, I was not only reclaiming my authenticity but also creating space for empathy and understanding in my relationships.
Through this process, I discovered that forgiveness is empowering. It transforms pain into strength, allowing me to rise above my past and inspire others with my resilience. It’s a way to foster genuine connections with those around me, both personally and professionally.
Forgiveness isn’t always easy; it requires deep introspection and courage. But I’ve learned that it’s essential for my growth. By forgiving, I’m not excusing the hurt I experienced; I’m choosing to prioritize my well-being and happiness. It’s a powerful reminder that the journey to healing begins within ourselves.
Ultimately, embracing forgiveness has allowed me to break free from the chains of resentment. It’s a journey worth taking, one that leads to profound transformation—not just for me, but for everyone around me. In choosing to forgive, I create a ripple effect of change, nurturing a culture of empathy and understanding that uplifts us all.
But how sustainable will those changes be?
The truth is, there’s one essential ingredient in the process of creating change that too often gets overlooked: discipline. Beyond the desire to do something and the motivation to get started, there is a need to put in the work—repeatedly, consistently, and enduringly.
Discipline is what kicks in long after motivation has faded. And if you’ve ever made a new year’s resolution that lasted until mid-January or set an intention on Monday that you strayed from by Friday, you know that motivation has a tendency to fade. Discipline carries you from the moment you start working on making a change, to the moment you celebrate the end result.
But here’s the kicker: Discipline is also what continues to happen well after that celebration.
How Change Happens
One of the most recognized theories behind behavior change, the Stages of Change Model, suggests that people move through 6 specific stages on their way to accomplishing a goal: precontemplation (not even thinking about changing), contemplation (starting to consider it), preparation (getting ready to do something different), action (putting in the work), maintenance (keeping it going), and termination (knowing there’s no going back).
Using this model as a reference point, we can say that discipline is directly involved in the last 3 stages. It takes discipline to commit to action and to do what it takes to make a change. This is the facet of discipline that requires making different choices, sometimes sacrificing the comfort of this moment for the promise of future achievement or fulfillment.
In the maintenance stage, discipline is critical. By this point in the process of change, the original motivation has probably dwindled. Your old familiar ways of thinking and behaving are threatening to override your new intentions. The efforts you made up to this point might be feeling too tiring or too tedious.
The temptation to take the path of least resistance creeps up a lot during the maintenance stage; it’s discipline that keeps you from giving in to it. And it’s discipline that takes you into the termination stage and gives you the confidence that your changes will last.
How You Can Become More Disciplined
For many of you reading this, the fact that discipline is essential to making lasting changes is no surprise. But the real question you might be pondering is: If I’m not good at being disciplined, how do I get better at it? While the answer is that there are many ways to go about it, let’s focus on 5 of them:
THE BASICS
Identify the areas where you struggle most. For some people it’s following through on a task or commitment; for others, it’s finishing what they’ve started. Some people have the hardest time with implementing new behaviors on a consistent basis. Others struggle most with making excuses and talking themselves out of their efforts to change. Take an honest look at your own challenge areas, so you can see where the work is most needed.
Set yourself up for success. Sometimes, the things that get in the way of being
disciplined are things people tend not to consider, like getting enough sleep and maintaining proper nutrition. Paying attention to these lifestyle basics will help you access the energy and mental focus you’ll need to stay disciplined.
Notice the thoughts and emotions that drain you of discipline. It’s one thing to work towards a goal when you’re motivated; it’s another to keep at it, even when you don’t feel like it. This is what discipline is all about. Your thoughts and feelings, which are constantly changing, can easily keep you from making good on the promises you make to yourself. To keep this from happening, pay attention to the emotions and feeling states that tend to derail you, and be mindful of the kinds of thoughts that keep you from sticking to your commitments.
Write things down and set reminders. Distraction is a big barrier to discipline. To keep it from taking you off course, organize yourself by writing down your goals/intentions/tasks and keeping them
Why Discipline Matters—and 5 Ways to Work On It
-Denise Fournier Ph.D.
somewhere you’ll be sure to look at on a regular basis. Get a calendar or planner, if you don’t already have one, where you can write things down and keep yourself organized. Set reminders in your phone or use organizational apps and digital tools to keep yourself on track.
Practice delayed gratification. Our world is wiring us all for instant gratification, and it’s never been easier to take shortcuts and stay on the comfortable path of least resistance. But discipline requires delayed gratification—the ability to sustain effort in the absence of reward. This can be incredibly difficult, especially if you didn’t develop the ability early on in life, but you can train yourself to get better at it. Start with small practices, like not turning on the TV until you’ve completed all the essential tasks on your to-do list; not opening TikTok until you’ve sent those important work emails; or waiting to enjoy your morning coffee until after you’ve finished a 30-minute workout. Eventually, you can build up to setting bigger goals that require discipline and delayed gratification to complete.
If you aren’t a naturally disciplined person, there’s no reason to panic. Work on developing more of it, and you’ll be well on your way to making—and solidifying—the kinds of changes you want to see in yourself, your relationships, and your life.
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If you’re looking for ways to become more successful, improve your relationships, or feel more satisfied with your life, you won’t have a hard time finding suggestions for how to go about it. Your search for such information will often lead you to tips for making healthier lifestyle choices, forming effective habits, building a better mindset, and sharpening your communication skills. Most of this advice, if you follow it, will probably lead to positive changes within yourself and your life.
9 January 2023
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